Unfortunate Thing

Here is the tale of Unfortunate Thing
Whom I found in our garden shed
He’s seven foot two, with shiny black nose
And horns on the top of his head
Unfortunate Thing wore a fine suit of scales
Which hadn’t been polished for years
All covered in dust and speckles of rust
From endless showers of tears

Reclined on a large sack of compost
A vision of gloom and despair
Alone in the shadows, sat sobbing
Needing some comfort and care
“Poor Thing” said I, “What’s the problem –
whatever is troubling you?”
And proceeded to give him a cuddle
(….which proved quite a hard thing to do)

Whilst blowing his nose on some sacking
Still sobbing, he tried to explain
How his rather unfortunate features
Had caused all his troubles and pain
“I love all the creatures of nature –
I love all their beauty and grace
But they all run and hide when they see me arrive
Because of my hideous face”

“And oh, when I look at the flowers
My ugliness they cannot stand
I pick a fresh bloom to smell it’s perfume
And the poor thing just wilts in my hand
I’m such a miserable monster
And nothing can ever be done
This face can never be sweeter
And my life will never be fun”

I sat with the Thing in the dark shed
And watched him in dreadful despair
Then suddenly I found the answer
‘Twas his confidence needing repair
I rushed to Mum’s bedroom for ribbons
An ear-ring to go through his nose
I borrowed Mum’s pinky nail-varnish
To brighten the nails on his toes

After many long hours of grooming
Unfortunate Thing was complete
He stood there before me, a wonderous sight
From his head to his manicured feet
His scales I had carefully polished
Now glistened an emerald green
His monsterous mouth formed a huge smile
And even his fangs seemed to gleam

And so, to the garden I took him
Where the creatures all gasped with delight
I cried, “Come and see the Magnificent Thing
With emerald coat shining bright!”
One by one they came to admire him
Then together they started to sing
That of all Mother Nature’s good children
The best was Unfortunate Thing